What the world needs now:
  • More people who complain about service on Yelp.
  • Another Thai restaurant.
  • More people who think restaurant food is too salty.
  • More blanket media coverage for Korean tacos.
  • Another national article on the fact that there are carts in Portland that serve food.
  • More people who like to deep-fry things.
  • A foot soldier movement to pretentiously over-analyze and thus ruin another beverage-related conceit just like wine, coffee, and beer before it. Candidates include water and milk.
  • More places that serve dessert for breakfast and the requisite line of white people that line up to spend dozens of dollars for this privilege.
  • More people who think a restaurant should exist solely to satisfy their predilections, whether it’s bringing in their own food/wine to augment their dining experience and expecting no resulting fees, or demanding the coq au vin be made with tofu or that the pizza be made gluten-free, or asking that each course be brought out exactly 78 seconds after I’ve fully and lovingly masticated the last bite from the previous, or expecting a dish to be comped because I tried pig intestines and realized it just isn’t my thing.
  • One more food blog.
  • Another asshole with an opinion who can make a bulleted list.