It might also help if you could hold a job, and get off the food stamps.

I mean after all, you have broadcast to the entire planet that you are a PROFESSIONAL CHEF.

And the only dish you can cook is fucking meatloaf . . . meatloaf that even a Dago wouldn’t eat!

Why cannot you accept the fact that there is NOT a big demand for a FAT, uneducated, 50-year old Dago BROAD covered with tattoos and body piercings?

All of your lesbian “friends” at the Cassandra Crossing cannot soothe you FAT ass, Louise (chiffonade@yahoo.com).

What can I tell you?

You are barely better than shark bait. You REALLY need to accept your status in life, Louise CHIFFONADE, in Clearwater, Florida.

Do your readers REALLY want to know your “home” address and “cellphone” number Louise?

If so, I can easily supply that info.

After all, you couldn’t keep you FIRST three husbands, or your LAST seventeen “boyfriends” in check.

I mean, your own DAUGHTER is an addict (as you reported on the CASSANDRA CROSSING), has been in prison for drug convictions (just like YOURSELF), and is walking the streets of Clearwater to support her “habit.”

But yet, you keep posting on FOOD BLOGS all over the internet trying to DISCREDIT the legions of other people of whom you are so insanely jealous.

Your failures in life (HELL, your ENTIRE. miserable life has been a FAILURE) will never “go away” by attacking Food Network stars, by attacking successful, professional women, and by attacking EVERYONE of whom you are so insanely jealous.

Just because you are a 50-year-old, fat, Dago daughter of New York City factory workers, and just because you “MET A MAN” on the internet and moved to CLEARWATER, FLORIDA to live in his trailer house (and THEN he kicked your fat, ugly ass out) . . . you simply cannot compensate for your pitiful life by attacking other people.

Louise, I mean CHIFFONADE, you really need to find a hobby. Or maybe you need to find a JOB, since that is ANOTHER thing you cannot seem to hold on to.

You unemployment claims (and welfare applications) read like a pulp fiction novel!

Oh Babe, I listened to their music, which they called “Feel Me.” I thought that if I listened to the track enough times (and used enough meth), it may inspire me to want to “Feel Me” . . . with “Me” being you, my beloved Chiffonade.

BUT, I kept looking at your picture, kept smoking my joints, kept chugging my Tequila . . . and what can I tell you?

No matter how hard I tried to get a hard on, looking at your picture, I just couldn’t do it.

I guess that I just can’t jerk off to photos of fat, ugly, 50-year old Dago broads with “stretch marks.”

Sorry, Louise, I tried to get off, but it just didn’t work.

Perhaps we will meet up later, and, in person, after you tell me to “strip”, as you said you tell men in your “BLOG”, and I show you my big (actually, humongous) penis . . . you will be able to get me off.

Of course, rubbing my hand over your sexy tattoos will help me while I am jerking off.

Hell, I might even want to “marry” you, so that I can enjoy your vagina exclusively for at least a few weeks . . . NAH, that wouldn’t work.

They (your last “husband”, especially) say you have HepC and Herpes.

Damn, I don’t need that SHIT! And I will attempt to alert other, unsuspecting men via the ‘net.

Actually, I think that the “doctor” is out of (internet) communication for a few days. He said something to me about flying to Tampa (and then driving to Clearwater) for a few days to conduct some business with a friend, or friends, of his. Perhaps that is why you are reporting on his “absence.”

The “doctor” always keeps me apprised of his little (and frequent) “adventures” so that I can contact him when needed.

I’m sure that as soon as he gets back, he will be, once again, happily pursuing his hobby of posting on the food blogs (despite my misgivings that he wastes way too much of his leisure time on such mundane musings).

As far as those suggestions (by some others) that you call “his wife at work” – that may not be advisable, but I’m confident that your “attorney” and your “government-computer-expert-boy friend” could advise you on that matter MOST competently, and MUCH better than I.

So, if you and any of your friends want to make those calls, please be my guest. The phone number(s) of my corporation is public record. I would simply ADORE hearing from you.

Failing that, perhaps your “contacts” at the FBI (although I was informed that they NEVER heard of you … living here in the D.C. area, we “hear” these things, “Chiffy”) could provide some much needed advice on how to protect you from the inevitable “fallout” of your attacks on other people . . . such as Food Network celebrities, restaurant critics, professionals, and anyone else of whom you are obviously insanely JEALOUS.

Your posting of his (actually, OUR) “address and phone number” is a bit outdated. Check it out, if it will help you “get off”, Chiffy. Make a call, send a letter . . . get my drift, “Chiffy”?

Not to mention, you may not be fully aware of the legal ramifications of your accusations, coupled with a name and address. But that’s okay, your posts (and others) have been duly recorded and are being analyzed. Count on it. And, be prepared to answer for it, should the need arise.

Good luck there, as I am confident that your “attorney” and your “government-computer-expert-boy friend” will be able to advise you.

“Chiffy”, your facetious posts as “DocChuck, “MrsDocChuck”, “HeadDoctor”, “Ima Shrike”, and on and on and on . . . are quite frankly amusing, not to mention, very creative. It is amazing what a divorced, unemployed, lonely, dislocated, and aging female (50 years old, is it?) can conjure.

I had my company’s security manager check you out. Your history, in Brooklyn, in Colorado, and in Florida reads like a pulp fiction novel.

Your ex-husbands’ histories (all three of them) are MOST interesting, based upon your public divorce records, and your, and their, arrest records. Your daughter’s drug problem(s), as well as her legal problems, are available for posting, should the need arise.

Your claims that you “graduated” from a now-defunct (how convenient) “cooking school” do NOT match reality . . . that in fact, you NEVER attended a cooking school (Krump’s Cooking School in NYC, was it that you claimed?), and in fact, you NEVER completed high school.

I think that any intelligent reader of your “posts” would be able to discern that you are a VERY forlorn individual. An individual who (rejected by her THREE husbands) is desperately lonely and who “gets off” by telling people: your “fantasies” (like being “STALKED” . . . who would “stalk” you, Louise?), your “problems” (seeking sympathy), your “lies” (you are a “Professional Chef”), and your “insecurities” (your numerous, and fantasy “boyfriends”).

As a successful woman, a physician who graduated from Johns Hopkins, and who’s company owns five clinics in this country and two abroad, I believe that you need serious psychological counseling, along with your drug-addicted daughter, with whom you now claim that you are “reconciled.”

I will stay in touch.

LadyE … (from a long line of Celtics who simply know how to keep their man happy).

P.S. Since you and a few of your “friends” purport to know me, and to enjoy referring to my culinary preferences … PLEASE, be my guest … give me a call at my office. I will be glad to answer your questions and/or comments.

I mean, after spending her whole life in a new york city factory to raise your worthless ass.

I think she would have looked good in a caftan, despite her “problems.”

When I obtained the death certificate from the “Public Records”, I was so distressed to find that she died of complications from a STD (sexually transmitted disease).

Unfortunately, it is possible that she had this ailment BEFORE you were born Louise (I mean, Chiffonade). That would explain some of your current physical and emotional problems, as well as your estranged daughter’s problems.

It would also explain your previous THREE divorces, when your spouses became afflicted with horrible STDs.

Perhaps you should devote some of your energy into tracking down your “REAL” father (DNA testing may help you, Chiffonade).

A good physician, such as my wife, and a psychologist (such as myself)would be able to help you address these problems and prescribe a course of action that could lead to your recovery.