I like Cape Cod better.

Kettle Chips own me. Tim’s Cascade come in second.

I am a 65 year old retired “educator” with not one but two PhDs, a lively young wife, and a cozy townhouse in a “swank” retirement village. My life is comfortable (VERY comfortable, if you must know). My young wife is the proprietress of a “successful” laser hair removal salon which affords us the luxury of only the finest food and wine. We would never consider joining the ranks of unwashed vagrants, street urchins and other assorted “tripe” who lack the education, fine breeding and common sense to avoid KETTLE chips at all costs. Frankly, “GUILTY CARNIVORE,” I am surprised at you. I had thought you a much more sophisticated man.

Mr. Gulity Carnivore:

As I am sure you are aware, I have been censored by “moderators”, so-called, at dozens of websites MUCH less venerable than yours, including Road Food and most recently at O** T** B******.

It is apparant to me that these moderators simply cannot handle the enormity of my intellect and “worldview”.

I sense that you, MR GUILTY CARNIVORE, are different. But I certainly hope your future musings focus on topics more “substantial” than potato chips.

Sorry folks, it looks like he managed to chew through his restraints again. We’ll try to keep a closer eye on him.

Learn about DOCCHUCK:
http://www.chesapeakelifemag.com/index.php/cl/features_article/fe_outdooroffices_mj01/

Wrong docchuck matt…this is the guy

http://www.zoominfo.com/search/PersonDetail.aspx?PersonID=607192026

Yes, actually I am in love with DocChuck. Although I frequently post as “DocChuck” and “MrsDocChuck” he has rebuffed me, just as my first three husbands did and my daughter who will not speak to me (of course she is in jail at the present for harassing people on the internet and using meth).

I used to harass Sandra Lee until I got arrested and had to move to Clearwater, Florida to live with a guy I met on the internet. He kicked me out of his trailer house recently and now I am living with a waiter from a Ruby Tuesday.

You can read all about me and see my tattoos on MySpace - the real chiffonade. By the way I have as many degrees as DocChuck has . . . I actually graduated from a cooking school in New york city.

Please read my blog at http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=21664823

HEY! I am the REAL docChuck, and I don’t know any fat pig named Chiffonade! But I keep reading storys about her on Cassandra Crossing and Food Network where she claims to be a PROFESSIONAL CHEF. Then I read that Louise (I mean “Chiffy”) is unemployed and hanging out with bikers down in Florida.

And by the way, I don’t have restrains. I am locked up at night.

HEY! I went to that MySpace website to check out that SonofaChuck babe (same address as “Chiffonade” . . . imagine that!).

I KNOW you Louise! Don’t you remember when we met in that club in Clearwater? You got smashed and gave that guy a BJ in the back booth. then the cops hauled you out and you spent a couple of days in the slammer.

Man that was soooooo cool.

Sorry to hear about your old man dumping you. Gal, you’re having some really lousy luck I guess. That was number three divorce, wasn’t it???

Oh well, that was a rat-infested, dump of a trailer house anyway.

WEll, Babe I simply ADORE you website and am glad you are participating here on this forum. Can’t wait to hear from you again.

PS: are they still looking for you for skipping out on that cooking school loan you had in the big apple? Your friend at the club (you know, the dopey broad with all the tattoos) told me that they were garnishing your unemployment check. MAN that’s a bummer. I didnt know they could do that.

It is true. I do not own the dog.

Don’t you have recipes you should be reviewing, Chas?

Sandra,

I am currently vacationing in the UK and, despite my education, wealth and social standing, I am having a “devil” of a time finding sufficient quantities of spinach dip such that “my wife” can continue training for her first professional eating event. You may not know this (having been “educated” as you were at a satellite campus of a midwestern land grant college) that she needs to constanly expand her already AMPLE girth in order to accomodate gallon after gallon of dip during the competition.

I know you are quite familiar with France (”The City of Lights”) and am wondering if you have similar familiarity with Ireland (”The City of Shamrocks”) or Scotland (”The City of Golf Courses”). If so, mite you direct my wife (”once, twice, three times a lady”) and me to an establishment with REPUTABLE spinach dip? I would be very much indebted … and will so much more “cherish” my Sandra Lee replica doll collection (in lifelike vinyl!).

Well, no, actually, I will not be vacationing in the UK for another four weeks, CHIFFONADE. And it’s not going to be a “vacation” as you call it.

It’s a “business trip” (and I don’t have time to explain what a “business trip” is to an Italian immigrant’s obese illegitimate offspring . . . give my regards to your mother, Ada, the seamstress . . . how’s she doing, anyway?).

And, on this “business trip”, we will be closing a deal on another clinic . . . I’m sorry about these BIG words, Louise . . . a “clinic” is a person where one can seek medical care, NOT psychological care such as has been recommended for yourself (yep, those botched suicide attempts will get you into the computers, alright!).

Kinda like the public records of your divorce(s) and arrest(s) that make such interesting reading.

Hey, but that’s okay, Louise (Chiffonade, “DocChuck”, “MrsDocChuck”, “Leigh Long”, “SandraLee”, “SonofaChuck”, “HeadDoctor” and all of your other fantasies) . . . you just keep taking that meth, that Tequila, and those Medicaid-supplied scrips.

You’ll be okay. Of course, I don’t know how to advise you about your STD’s and the Hepatitis C problem.

Ask you daughter how HER treatments are going, as soon as she gets out of the slammer.

Oh, and Babe, would you like me to send you a shamrock from the emerald isle?

Oh, and Chiffonade, (a.k.a. as all of the above posters), I have sent my condolences to you at the “CASSANDRA CROSSING” today. I am so sorry that your mother has “passed”.

When I obtained the death certificate from the “Public Records”, I was so distressed to find that she died of complications from a STD (sexually transmitted disease).

Unfortunately, it is possible that she had this ailment BEFORE you were born Louise (I mean, Chiffonade). That would explain some of your current physical and emotional problems, as well as your estranged daughter’s problems.

It would also explain your previous THREE divorces, when your spouses became afflicted with horrible STDs.

Perhaps you should devote some of your energy into tracking down your “REAL” father (DNA testing may help you, Chiffonade).

A good physician, such as my wife, and a psychologist (such as myself)would be able to help you address these problems and prescribe a course of action that could lead to your recovery.

There is nothing as intoxicating as a woman in a caftan.

zapps are the best by far.

Did your mother wear a caftan when they burried her, Chiffonade?

I mean, after spending her whole life in a new york city factory to raise your worthless ass.

I think she would have looked good in a caftan, despite her “problems.”

Those “clinics” you’re “visiting”, DocChuck… I think they need to up your dosage.

The lunatics have taken over the asylum (also known as a “clinic” in the UK).

Hi, Chiffy:

Actually, I think that the “doctor” is out of (internet) communication for a few days. He said something to me about flying to Tampa (and then driving to Clearwater) for a few days to conduct some business with a friend, or friends, of his. Perhaps that is why you are reporting on his “absence.”

The “doctor” always keeps me apprised of his little (and frequent) “adventures” so that I can contact him when needed.

I’m sure that as soon as he gets back, he will be, once again, happily pursuing his hobby of posting on the food blogs (despite my misgivings that he wastes way too much of his leisure time on such mundane musings).

As far as those suggestions (by some others) that you call “his wife at work” - that may not be advisable, but I’m confident that your “attorney” and your “government-computer-expert-boy friend” could advise you on that matter MOST competently, and MUCH better than I.

So, if you and any of your friends want to make those calls, please be my guest. The phone number(s) of my corporation is public record. I would simply ADORE hearing from you.

Failing that, perhaps your “contacts” at the FBI (although I was informed that they NEVER heard of you … living here in the D.C. area, we “hear” these things, “Chiffy”) could provide some much needed advice on how to protect you from the inevitable “fallout” of your attacks on other people . . . such as Food Network celebrities, restaurant critics, professionals, and anyone else of whom you are obviously insanely JEALOUS.

Your posting of his (actually, OUR) “address and phone number” is a bit outdated. Check it out, if it will help you “get off”, Chiffy. Make a call, send a letter . . . get my drift, “Chiffy”?

Not to mention, you may not be fully aware of the legal ramifications of your accusations, coupled with a name and address. But that’s okay, your posts (and others) have been duly recorded and are being analyzed. Count on it. And, be prepared to answer for it, should the need arise.

Good luck there, as I am confident that your “attorney” and your “government-computer-expert-boy friend” will be able to advise you.

“Chiffy”, your facetious posts as “DocChuck, “MrsDocChuck”, “HeadDoctor”, “Ima Shrike”, and on and on and on . . . are quite frankly amusing, not to mention, very creative. It is amazing what a divorced, unemployed, lonely, dislocated, and aging female (50 years old, is it?) can conjure.

I had my company’s security manager check you out. Your history, in Brooklyn, in Colorado, and in Florida reads like a pulp fiction novel.

Your ex-husbands’ histories (all three of them) are MOST interesting, based upon your public divorce records, and your, and their, arrest records. Your daughter’s drug problem(s), as well as her legal problems, are available for posting, should the need arise.

Your claims that you “graduated” from a now-defunct (how convenient) “cooking school” do NOT match reality . . . that in fact, you NEVER attended a cooking school (Krump’s Cooking School in NYC, was it that you claimed?), and in fact, you NEVER completed high school.

I think that any intelligent reader of your “posts” would be able to discern that you are a VERY forlorn individual. An individual who (rejected by her THREE husbands) is desperately lonely and who “gets off” by telling people: your “fantasies” (like being “STALKED” . . . who would “stalk” you, Louise?), your “problems” (seeking sympathy), your “lies” (you are a “Professional Chef”), and your “insecurities” (your numerous, and fantasy “boyfriends”).

As a successful woman, a physician who graduated from Johns Hopkins, and who’s company owns five clinics in this country and two abroad, I believe that you need serious psychological counseling, along with your drug-addicted daughter, with whom you now claim that you are “reconciled.”

I will stay in touch.

LadyE … (from a long line of Celtics who simply know how to keep their man happy).

P.S. Since you and a few of your “friends” purport to know me, and to enjoy referring to my culinary preferences … PLEASE, be my guest … give me a call at my office. I will be glad to answer your questions and/or comments.

To Chiffonade (chiffonade@yahoo.com)

Oh Babe, I listened to their music, which they called “Feel Me.” I thought that if I listened to the track enough times (and used enough meth), it may inspire me to want to “Feel Me” . . . with “Me” being you, my beloved Chiffonade.

BUT, I kept looking at your picture, kept smoking my joints, kept chugging my Tequila . . . and what can I tell you?

No matter how hard I tried to get a hard on, looking at your picture, I just couldn’t do it.

I guess that I just can’t jerk off to photos of fat, ugly, 50-year old Dago broads with “stretch marks.”

Sorry, Louise, I tried to get off, but it just didn’t work.

Perhaps we will meet up later, and, in person, after you tell me to “strip”, as you said you tell men in your “BLOG”, and I show you my big (actually, humongous) penis . . . you will be able to get me off.

Of course, rubbing my hand over your sexy tattoos will help me while I am jerking off.

Hell, I might even want to “marry” you, so that I can enjoy your vagina exclusively for at least a few weeks . . . NAH, that wouldn’t work.

They (your last “husband”, especially) say you have HepC and Herpes.

Damn, I don’t need that SHIT! And I will attempt to alert other, unsuspecting men via the ‘net.

My chimpanzee housekeepers have escaped!

But Louise (aka known as DocChuck AND Chiffonade AND ImaShrike AND dozens of other screen names), how can a person like you POSSIBLY be expected to keep your “chimpanzee housekeepers” in check.

After all, you couldn’t keep you FIRST three husbands, or your LAST seventeen “boyfriends” in check.

I mean, your own DAUGHTER is an addict (as you reported on the CASSANDRA CROSSING), has been in prison for drug convictions (just like YOURSELF), and is walking the streets of Clearwater to support her “habit.”

But yet, you keep posting on FOOD BLOGS all over the internet trying to DISCREDIT the legions of other people of whom you are so insanely jealous.

Your failures in life (HELL, your ENTIRE. miserable life has been a FAILURE) will never “go away” by attacking Food Network stars, by attacking successful, professional women, and by attacking EVERYONE of whom you are so insanely jealous.

Just because you are a 50-year-old, fat, Dago daughter of New York City factory workers, and just because you “MET A MAN” on the internet and moved to CLEARWATER, FLORIDA to live in his trailer house (and THEN he kicked your fat, ugly ass out) . . . you simply cannot compensate for your pitiful life by attacking other people.

Louise, I mean CHIFFONADE, you really need to find a hobby. Or maybe you need to find a JOB, since that is ANOTHER thing you cannot seem to hold on to.

You unemployment claims (and welfare applications) read like a pulp fiction novel!

How I do wish my dear friend the late Buddy Ebsen was here to see this.

CHIFFONADE (posting under the hijacked name of “DocChuck”, you DON’T have any “dear friends” . . . your mother deserted you (before she croaked) . . . your “druggie” daughter deserted you . . . your first THREE husbands deserted you . . . EVERY guy you tried to pick up at Ruby Tuesday’s, and at the mall in Clearwater, Florida, deserted you.

Why cannot you accept the fact that there is NOT a big demand for a FAT, uneducated, 50-year old Dago BROAD covered with tattoos and body piercings?

All of your lesbian “friends” at the Cassandra Crossing cannot soothe you FAT ass, Louise (chiffonade@yahoo.com).

What can I tell you?

You are barely better than shark bait. You REALLY need to accept your status in life, Louise CHIFFONADE, in Clearwater, Florida.

Do your readers REALLY want to know your “home” address and “cellphone” number Louise?

If so, I can easily supply that info.

Ah, LadyE, if you only had a good woman to look after you, you wouldn’t need to spew your jealous venom all over the internetz.

Ah, Louise (also known as Chiffonade . . . “the REAL Chiffonade”, if you knew how to hold onto a man, and I do NOT mean “douche bags with balls” . . . you would NOT have to spend your days desperately seeking validation, solace, and companionship on “MySpace”, the “Cassandra Crossing” and other bastions of miserably failed aging, sagging females who have been rejected by society.

It might also help if you could hold a job, and get off the food stamps.

I mean after all, you have broadcast to the entire planet that you are a PROFESSIONAL CHEF.

And the only dish you can cook is fucking meatloaf . . . meatloaf that even a Dago wouldn’t eat!