Kangaroo is the Karl Rove of meat

This entry is a rebuttal to an entry in The Carnivore Project’s ongoing Meat Bracket, which aims to crown a lucky meatstuff “THE ULTIMATE MEAT”. Click here to vote.

I see Kangaroo has resorted to ad hominem attacks on tofu.

Shameful, really.

And in keeping in the spirit of dirty political maneuvers, Kangaroo twists Tofu’s own words to against itself to mischaracterize its policies and positions.

And Kangaroo starts a whisper campaign about Tofu’s alleged effect on the size of the male member.

Really low, and baselessly dishonest. In the world of political theater, this kind of stunt has a friendly bedfellow in George Bush’s hijinks during the 2000 Republican South Carolina primary. There, you’ll recall, Bush operatives played the racist card by claiming John McCain fathered an illegitimate Bengali child. They also said his lovely wife was hooked on prescription painkillers and was batshit insane. Kangaroo’s slurs and slanders bear the imprimatur of Karl Rove.

And just as it worked in South Carolina, I see in early voting patterns these slanderous lies are having the same effect on Tofu.

Kangaroo has no substantive policies from which to position itself as THE ULTIMATE, so it is relying simply on the trading of rumors, innuendo, and specious attacks that hit below the belt (literally).

The only thing Kangaroo can claim for itself is that it is healthy? It really wants to pick a battle with Tofu on its own turf? The sophistry! The absurdity of ludicrousnessosity of that premise is so laughable that I’m laughing so hard right now that I fell out of my chair ouch that hurt oh well it was so ludicrous to it was so worth it the pain you know so ludicrous.

Let me recap: Tofu is THE ULTIMATE. Just ask Jim Rutz.

Don't Eat Me!!! I love you!!!

Kangaroo is a furry marsupial. People flock to zoos in order to pay homage to this noble creature. So cute, so furry, so not-delicious. Healthy? Who the fuck wants healthy meat? You can’t braise kangaroo short ribs for hours in a La Cruset with red wine and cipollini onions. Kangaroo is an also-ran. It shouldn’t be invited to the kiddie table, much less make it to main event.

Kangaroo has nothing to run on, except slander, lies, and an appeal to the basest fears and discriminatory evils that lurk within the darkest hearts of mankind. I compel you to repudiate this atavism, to defenestrate the shackles of thousands of years of oppression.

First, they ignore you. Then they laugh at you. Then they fight you. Then you win.

This entry is a rebuttal to an entry in The Carnivore Project’s ongoing Meat Bracket, which aims to crown a lucky meatstuff “THE ULTIMATE MEAT”. Click here to vote. My name is Tofu and I approve this message.

4 thoughts on “Kangaroo is the Karl Rove of meat

  1. Pingback: Guilty Carnivore · Meat Bracket Final

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>