A devil food is turning our kids into homosexuals.

Jim Rutz, writing over at the esteemed WorldNetDaily, says soy is making our kids teh gay. Seriously. You can’t make this shit up.

Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That’s why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today’s rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because “I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t homosexual.” No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can’t remember a time when excess estrogen wasn’t influencing them.

Ok, buddy, what about lesbians? By your logic, shouldn’t they be on a silken tofu IV drip?

P.S.: Soy sauce is fine. Unlike soy milk, it’s perfectly safe because it’s fermented, which changes its molecular structure. Miso, natto and tempeh are also OK, but avoid tofu.

Thank you for clearing that up, Dr. Hetero McVirilePants. Now that you mention it, after eating a bowl of boiled edamame the last time I went out for sushi, I had an overwhelming urge to Tivo “The View” and buy a Dodge Neon.

No wonder they ride so many bicycles in China — it’s a nation of limp-wristed, soy-munching homos. If they’d only nix the tofu they could use proper masculine transportation like stallions and Hummers.