A devil food is turning our kids into homosexuals.
Jim Rutz, writing over at the esteemed WorldNetDaily, says soy is making our kids teh gay. Seriously. You can’t make this shit up.
Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That’s why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today’s rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because “I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t homosexual.” No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can’t remember a time when excess estrogen wasn’t influencing them.
Ok, buddy, what about lesbians? By your logic, shouldn’t they be on a silken tofu IV drip?
P.S.: Soy sauce is fine. Unlike soy milk, it’s perfectly safe because it’s fermented, which changes its molecular structure. Miso, natto and tempeh are also OK, but avoid tofu.
Thank you for clearing that up, Dr. Hetero McVirilePants. Now that you mention it, after eating a bowl of boiled edamame the last time I went out for sushi, I had an overwhelming urge to Tivo “The View” and buy a Dodge Neon.
No wonder they ride so many bicycles in China — it’s a nation of limp-wristed, soy-munching homos. If they’d only nix the tofu they could use proper masculine transportation like stallions and Hummers.
Between tofu and MSG, there’s no stopping the Sino-Queer alliance from sapping me of my precious bodily fluids!
TheSizzler — it’s definitely a conspiracy propagated by the Sino-Queer Hollywood cabal. I’m glad you’ve enlisted as a foot soldier!
What if I marinade a steak in soy sauce? Am I just in the closet?
TGC – Wait, I’m Jewish. My friends in the Elders of Zion haven’t sent me the memo regarding the Hollywood affiliation; oy vey!
And, Jared, if you read the article he states that the fermentation process de-queers the soy. That’s also why corn whiskey doesn’t turn red blooded males into mincing nancy boys, but it does make them think MySpace is clean, design-wise.
Enough corn whiskey, and MySpace becomes interesting as well.
Ok, so steak and soy is straight. But steak and edamame is gay.
What about steak with a miso glaze?
Steak with soy sauce (or even miso glaze)…ok, I guess (since both are fermented). But why chance it? Don’t underestimate the strength and conviction of creeping soy homotude. Even worcestershire isn’t completely safe, as that contains a bit of soy sauce as well. So conceivably soy sauce/miso won’t make you gay, but you would be clearly in the metrosexual camp. Soy sauce/miso = Nick Lachey or David Beckham with a ponytail.
Tofu vegetable stir fry…this will make you certainly gay, even if you have organ meats in your stir fry and include only masculine vegetables like deep fried habanero peppers and root vegetables. It might not be evident at first, but slowly you’ll feel the pull to the dark (pink) side. Tofu = Doogie Howser, M.D.
Tall non-fat, half-decaf soy mochachino with a whisper of foam? Ok, you’re so gay after one of these that you might as well be a congressman or the leader of an evangelical mega-church. Soy milk = Nathan Lane in The Birdcage.
But there’s so much partially hydrogenated soybean oil in things like Cup O’ Noodles and Chex Mix. WHAT’S A NASCAR DAD TO DO?!?
I didn’t even THINK about soy milk. Wow. That’s some serious supporting evidence…
haha metrosexual camp. I don’t want to be hanging out with Nick or David drinking soy lattes and miso black cod.