I like Costco. It is the closest thing to Disneyland for me. There’s just something about buying industrial sized goods and commodities in a staid, grey warehouse that gets my juices flowing. Costco is distinguished by the lack of a refined and crafted branding strategy, bereft of the ostentatious promotional displays and garishness that almost implies a conscious lack of self awareness.

A lot of people don’t like Costco because they claim its practices (packaging, mainly) perpetuate a lot of waste. Many others don’t enjoy the experience of jockeying with the effusive jowl set that habituate the Costco environs. I like it despite all these things, pointing to its wonderful labor practices (it’s the anti-Wal Mart), and how the original owner/founder still collects only $350k/yr in a time when successful CEOs reward themselves with eight (or nine) figure salaries. I’m sure there’s enough dark practices behind the curtain that we plebes are unaware of, but if anyone ever took the time to analyze my dreams I’m sure you’ll also find some evil simmering under the surface.

One time after a Costco run I discovered that during the course of my shopping stupor/hysteria I had purchased, among other things, a chicken, a bunch of asparagus, and a bunch of artichokes. I imagined all of them together — since I don’t really have that great of an imagination — in a soup. Now, Costco ingredients are generally high quality, and quite acceptable to my standards. Their choice meats, for instance, are something I woudn’t be embarrased to eat or serve to people I don’t hate. But they are pretty mainstream - for instance, the roasted chickens are actually from a well-known brand. This isn’t free range fowl, raised on an outpatient rehab center in Sedona, and I can’t confirm the vegetables were grown locally on a sustainable wind farm and irrigated by pygmy horse tears and the reconstituted sweat of a hundred Quakers brimming with an overwhelming sense of immense self-satisfaction. But I can confirm that the place you would buy goods of that sort would not also feature 42″ plasma televisions, steel-belted radials, or a customize-your-own-death series of designer caskets.

Asparagus, Artichoke and Chicken Soup

• 1 $4.99 Costco roasted rotisserie chicken, sold one chicken per package
• 2 carrots
• 2 stalks celery
• 5 sprigs thyme
• 2 bay leaves
• 4 1/2 cups artichoke boil (you’ll see below)
• 1 1/2 pound asparagus, sold in a 2 1/4 pound increment
• 4 artichokes, sold 4 per package
• 1 white onion, chopped
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 2 cloves garlic
• 1/2 teaspoon white pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon black pepper
• 1/2 cup cream or half-n-half
• Salt

Pick apart that chicken carcass, setting aside the meat. You’ll only be using some of the shredded breast portion. Use the rest for sandwiches, salads, ramen, tacos, enchilidas, whatever. It’s your life.

Cut stems off artichokes. Place artichokes into large stockpot and cover with water. Bring to boil and cover and simmer for 45 minutes, and remove from water. Set aside. You’ll actually be using just one artichoke, so save the others and eat when your fancy strikes. I like eating the petals with lime juice, olive oil, and an insane amount of coarse cracked pepper and salt. I grew up eating artichokes with equal parts ketchup and mayo, though, and will return to this when I’m feeling nostalgic (I also watch “Cheers” the same reason).

Trim the asparagus 1/2 inch from the ends, and throw those callous ends away. Then seperate the stalky ends from the green tips (about a bisect). Blanch the green tips in the artichoke water for a couple minutes and shock in ice bath (make sure you don’t dump out the artichoke water, though) and set aside. Once cool, dice into 1/8” segments.

Put the chicken bones (and chicken skin, if you so desire) and raw artichoke stalks into a stock pot with carrots, celery, thyme. Cover with 4 1/2 cups of the water with which you boiled the artichokes. Bring to a boil and simmer for another 45 minutes. Strain, pick out the asparagus stalks(!important) from the bone and vegetable mixture and place into blender.

Peel one artichoke, and remove that hairy toupee. Roughly chop the heart and add to blender.

In a dutch oven, melt butter and sautee onions. Add garlic and sweat for a few minutes. Add to blender.

Puree to a smooth, even consistency. Depending on the size of your blender, you’ll need to do this in batches.

Return blended soup to dutch oven, and heat under medium. Add peppers, salt it to taste (be careful, the chicken has already been seasoned by Costco). Once soup starts to bubble, turn off the heat and whisk in cream.

Ladel the soup, top with diced asparagus tips and shredded chicken. Top with more fresh cracked white pepper.